 Well, it's been a while, and a lot's happened. The Sox are clinging to what is now a 6 game lead over the Yankees, Merv Griffin has passed away, and ABC family has a new show called " Slacker Cats" which, though funny, should by no means be thought of as a family show. Also, since my last post TLM and I went to Charlottesville, Virginia for a wedding held in the chapel of the University of Virginia. Somehow, I convinced not only TLM but also two of her younger siblings to get away for a while before the wedding and go to visit Charlottesville's other attraction: Monticello. Monticello was the residence of our 3rd President, Thomas Jefferson. I'd heard of it before in an architectural context from a friend (uh, who's an architect), and I'd had it on my "list of places to see" ever since, partly because of what he told me, but also because of the enthusiasm with which he described it. Designed entirely by Jefferson, he called it his "essay in architecture", and its first incarnation was heavily influenced by the building of ancient Rome, complete with columns built of solid stone. After a trip to Paris, he returned with some new ideas, and incorporated features like skylights and a dome over the front of the house, which we were told was the first on an American house. All in all, Monticello and its surrounding plantation grounds were designed, constructed, and remodeled over a 40-year period. "Inside and out, Jefferson incorporated design elements from famous buildings of antiquity" - Monticello Guide for Visitors It was a hot day (I think it was close to 100 degrees) and we couldn't wait to get inside. The tour was informative, albeit fast paced. Among the interesting features the tour guide pointed out were the many clocks Jefferson owned, something unusual for the day because of their intricate workings (as well as something I can relate to). We also saw dumbwaiters built into the sides of the fireplace in the dining room, said to be the first of their kind. My personal favorite was Jefferson's alcove bed (also a French-inspired feature), placed such that Jefferson could get out on one side to enter his bedroom and get out the other to enter his study (then called a cabinet). The length of the bed was something like 2 inches more than his height, making it a tight fit by today's standards. 
photo from monticello.orgOne final note: during the tour, the guide glazed over the fact that Jefferson, the author of the Declaration of Independence, was also a slave owner, and simply referred to these facts in combination as a "paradox" to be pondered for a long time to come. Though I commend the tour guide for realizing this was something important to bring up, I feel as though it was intentionally condensed to one sentence, perhaps for fear of tarnishing Jefferson's legacy. Who knows. All in all, I recommend visiting Monticello if you find yourself in the area. Just make sure the temperature is under 100 degrees.
At any given time in Vegas you're liable to run into a celebrity. The Lovely Mary (TLM) and I were no exception this trip as we ran into no less than 5 famous people. Ok, ok, so they aren't exactly superstars or household names (as a matter of fact I didn't even know most of their names at the times we saw them), but their sightings prompted a "hey, there's that guy", or a "wasn't he in that commercial?", or at least a "look, it's [enter wrong name here]", so they must be somewhere between lists D and Z, right?
 It all started off last Saturday night at the Mandalay Bay when we found ourselves wandering through bullriding fanatics and fight lovers when out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman parading a blond wig and a loud, tawdry, and very revealing dress through the crowd. It took only a glimpse of her face (yes, that's what I was looking at!) to recognize her as "Hottie" (real name Schatar Sapphira Taylor) from the first season of VH1's "Flavor of Love". She was the one who tried to cook a chicken in the microwave for Flav's mom and later got dismissed for having been exposed as an actress (and I use the term extremely loosely). I pointed her out to TLM, who acknowledged her identity with a simple "bleh", and when the encounter came up later in conversation, she described "Hottie" simply as "Dasty" (dirty+nasty)...'nuff said.
 The next night TLM and I went to check out the Fashion Show Mall (guess which one of us found that place) and we stopped afterwards to have some tapas at a place called Cafe Ba-Ba-Reeba. We were just finishing off a beef empanada, some chicken and ham croquettes, and some very tasty sangria when I looked over and saw a tall, long haired man eating with a his jet black cowboy hat placed delicately in the seat to his left and a short-haired blond placed on the one to his right. I knew he looked familiar, and soon realized he was one of those professional poker players I'd seen on ESPN. In fact, he was probably the only one I'd even be able to recognize at all, and he had one of those catchy nicknames, too...in this case, "Jesus". It wasn't until we spoke to one of TLM's coworkers later that night that we learned his name is Chris Ferguson, and besides being good at poker another of his claims to fame is that he can pitch a playing card through a carrot. I guess we all gotta be good at something, eh?
 During one of our jaunts down the strip, we were passing through the Luxor's casino when TLM noticed a crowd gathering near the hotel's entrance, so we walked over to take a look. People seemed really excited, so we assumed it was someone big. Eh, not so much, but at least it was someone whose actual name we knew: Criss Angel (yeah, he spells it that way) who's a close-up illusionist and has a pretty entertaining show on A&E I've seen a few times called Mindfreak. We asked around and got an unusually large amount of information about the event from these two middle-aged women who could hardly contain themselves (who knew this guy commanded such unabashed fanaticism?). Anyway, they told us he was moving his base of operations to the Luxor (from where, who knows) and that the event was the official welcoming ceremony. We were also told that he was going to perform an illusion to be taped for season 3 of his show in the cordoned off area we were standing right next to. Well, after waiting for about half an hour and being prompted by some producers to cheer for the cameras a few times, he finally makes his way into the hotel, stops to thank the people for being so supportive, turns around, and leaves. Now that's what I call tricking people.
 The quickest psuedo-celebrity sighting I had was Greg Proops, who has had guest appearances on all kinds of shows and is probably best known for his improv work on "Who's Line is it Anyway?", though I remember him from a short-lived favorite show of mine on Comedy Central called "Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn" (unfortunately, Colin Quinn's modus operandi of "laugh at me and not with me" is what killed it). Anyway, he walked briskly by me in the Mandalay Bay casino looking pretty desheveled, and I got the sense he either just lost a lot of money at some table or bombed on stage. My theory is that all comedians (and magicians for that matter) are inherently depressed, so maybe that's just how he always looks when not on stage or on camera.
 Last, and maybe least, we were on our plane home and I looked across to see this guy sleeping, facing me (so I could get a nice view of his open mouth and maybe a little drool). I noticed the emblem on his hat said "Mike the Mouth" and had some playing cards on it, and that rang a distant bell with me. Later in the flight, I overheard him identifying himself to the guy next to him as a professional poker player, and in fact he was Mike Matusow, not surprisingly also known as "Mike the Mouth" (modesty gets you everywhere, including flying coach). I didn't talk to him much, but did find out he was on his way to Foxwoods for a tournament. What I should have asked was what "professional poker player" meant. Does he get sponsored to play or has he just won enough poker tournaments to have earned the title? Either way, I reserve the right to hate on him for playing cards for a living. Besides, he had a fanny pack...
In any case, there was no Cameron Diaz, Robert DeNiro, nor Christopher Walken to be found during our stay, nor would they have any particular reason to be, I suppose (though I hear Walken is running for President in '08), but we saw enough at least to write about.
Maybe write too much about...
 Much of the smalltalk during the week hovered around the many Cirque du Soleil shows currently in Vegas, which were good and which ones we should go to. Eventually we settled on " Le Reve" showing at the new Wynn hotel at the other end of the strip. First, some clarification. According to the Cirque du Soleil website, "Le Reve is in no way associated with Cirque du Soleil". I can understand how they have a whole page dedicated to this topic as no one we spoke to didn't identify it as a Cirque show. There's all kinds of confusion about this, due mostly to the fact that there is an actual Cirque show called " O" which is also water-based, created by the same guy ( Franco Dragone), and put on by the same billionaire ( Steve Wynn). So: "Le Reve" is not a Cirque show. But it is still incredibly entertaining. When The Lovely Mary first got the tickets, I admit I was a little skeptical. Exactly one minute after we entered the theater, I knew I had no reason to be, and frankly when it was over I was amazed. With the exception of the 2004 postseason, I can't think of any other event I've experienced that was more enjoyable, and I'm not afraid to say so. As had been the case a few times with me before (like when I initially hated on " 24"), I completely misjudged the quality of a show before having seen it. This is officially a glowing revue for (the non-Cirque du Soleil show) "Le Reve". If you're there and aren't sure what to see, go see that. 
 There's lots do do in Las Vegas, without a doubt, but every once in a while you see something you just can't resist. As The Lovely Mary and I looked out of our hotel window, we saw such a sight: an IN-N-OUT Burger.
Now there are lots of great restaurants and other places to eat everywhere up and down the strip. Seeing that familiar red sign and big yellow arrow, however, reminded us that we didn't have to break the bank to get some good food. Before you knew it, we were at the website finding directions, and thinking about how long it's been since the last time we got to eat at one (there are none out here on the east coast).
Mmmmmm......double-double, baby, just like we remembered.
All I gotta say is, it's amazing how quickly things can change around here. When we got here, there were lots of bullriders and fight-lovers, and now, due to a Microsoft conference all week, all we see are techie types, many of which look exactly as their sterotypes depict (sorry, mini-hate there). I'm sure the casinos were happy to see them, too, as they had money to burn and unbeatable systems of gambling to follow (there's a reason casinos make money). Good luck, guys.
Last night The Lovely Mary and I went to our first show, modestly titled "The World's Greatest Magic Show", in one of the more remote hotels on (well, sorta on) the strip, the Greek Isles. The theater was small, and the ushers were all shady throwbacks from Vegas days gone by. We bought "preferred" seats which turned out to be chairs at tables we shared with other people. But, for another $20, the grizzled usher could "take care of us" and seat us in a private booth a whole 5 feet closer. Ah, Vegas.
 The actual show was amazing, truly, and I happen to love magic shows. (BTW, thx to The Lovely Mary for agreeing to it!) The MC of the event was a comedian/magician named Kozak who was great with the traditional slight of hand and even better handling the crowd. The highlights for me were specifically two illusions. One was when Dan Sperry seemed to rip a bird into two birds (which Bugman and I had seen once on TV and were both amazed), and another was when Kevin James (no, not "The King of Queens") sat out right in the middle of the audience with a young girl volunteer, took a napkin, scrunched it up, then appeared to make it flutter and fly and levitate, etc. In person, this was impressive, believe me. He had another trick, though, that was sort of disturbing, as he pretended to cut a man in half, then had the top half of the man walk around on his hands "magically". This was obviously someone with no legs or lower torso (who I found out later was born that way), and though it didn't make me upset, it didn't really entertain me, either.
Anyway, I got re-excited about illusions and The Lovely Mary even bought me a trick from the Houdini store. As if there wasn't enough magic between us....
Today was a day full of walking, eating, and getting The Lovely Mary to spend a dollar here and there trying her luck at video poker. We were also absolutely inundated with those people standing by the sides of the road handing out porno-related ads, constantly slapping them onto each other to make sure you heard them. It definitely seemed to be a requirement of the job and these little porn cards were everywhere.
Don't believe anyone who says Vegas is more family friendly now. Vegas is not for kids.
The Lovely Mary has a conference this week in good ol' Las Vegas, and so I took the week off to tag along. We left this morning, and as I looked across the aisle at a woman reading "Slots Today" ($1.95 an issue, I kid you not), I thought of the last time I'd been to the Sin City. What happened in Vegas wasn't the only thing that stayed there; a good amount of my money did too. Though I was temporarily distracted by an in-flight showing of "You, Me and Dupree" (which turned out to be a not so bad movie at all, if not a little long), I eventually got back to thinking about how much fun we were going to have, and how most of it was to not actually involve blackjack tables.
Soon we arrived and got off the plane. Ah, it had been a while. A while since I'd heard that constant drone, that electronic dissonance that was so characteristic of the city into which we'd just arrived. All we could hear was the beeping and chirping of slot machines...and we hadn't been off the plane but five minutes. We were surrounded by flashing lights, huge LCD ads for shows, and lots and lots of tourists (yeah, I know, we are too...but just way cooler).
 We jumped in a cab, and once the driver heard where we were staying, the Mandalay Bay, he says something like "Do your parents know you're staying there?", implying at least two things: something potentially scandalous is going on over there and my parents somehow shouldn't know about it. Well, if there was something scandalous over there, they probably shouldn't, but hey...
It turns out tonight is the big Mayweather - Baldomir fight at our hotel. Promo material for this thing was everywhere, from billboards to spotlights to a specially made fight promotion carpet laid out at the entrance. We expected the place to be mobbed...then we find out the hotel is also hosting the Professional Bull Riders World Finals too. Ah, boxing enthusiasts and tons of people in cowboy hats and chaps...together at last.
Well, when all was said and done, the Lovely Mary and I successfully avoided all the hoopla from both events and went to the Shark Reef attraction (which was kickass). We'll find out who won the fight tomorrow.
Well...it's been a while, partly because of work, partly because of baseball, and more recently because of vacation to:
MIAMI
That's right, the land of Vice squads, tatoos, all-time Will Smith videos, and of course, South Beach. The Lovely Mary and I shot down for five days and stayed in the Bal Harbor Sheraton, a full-fledged resort right on the beach complete with hot tubs, waterfalls, spas, and my personal favorite: a lagoon-type pool. Sadly, this place is slated to be torn down in February in favor of a more luxurious (and thusly profitable) alternative: a St. Regis. That's probably why we got the deal we got, so I'm not complaining.
A good time was had by all, and as is usually the case with vacations, it was over before we wanted it to be, so we decided that from now on we would institute a 6-day minimum for trips. The food was great, the sights were memorable, and the goal of relaxing and getting away from it all was achieved. Some highlights:
 The hotel was amazing and definitely the most resort-ish place I've visited. The number one thing I loved was the pool and we spent a good amount of time by it and in it. The first day there weren't many people there, making for lots of room and a relaxing day for everyone, as opposed to the last day we went out there (a Saturday), where it was tough to fins a spot and people were annoyed (and even more annoying). At one point we went in for a dip and I watched another family (father, daughter, son, dad's new girlfriend) go over to our spot and steal our umbrella pin (for the record, we decided to limit our response to 10 or 12 minutes of dirty looks, in the name of vacation). Come to think of it, someone stole our "Do Not Disturb" sign, too. Damn tourists... Across from the hotel were the Bal Harbour Shops, and I get the feeling that it was no coincidence we were booked to stay next to a mall that featured such stores as Prada, Armani, Fendi, Gucci, Pucci, Louis Vuitton, Saks, and Tiffany. The place was definitely worth a look, and had lots of scupltures, Koi, fountains and waterfalls, and lots and lots of hanging flora, giving it a Babylon-ish appeal. Unfortunately, all we could really afford to buy there was food!  Every restaurant we went to was excellent. We enjoyed delicious Italian food at a place called Speggio, ate burgers and chicken next to a fish tank at Flanigan's, and dined in a fine bistro in the middle of the Bal Harbour Shops, to name a few. The fact that I even enjoyed a side of broccoli is testament to just how tasty this food was. Mmmm....broccoli.... As we have a propensity for watching almost any kind of reality show, we found a new one called Cash Cab (on the Discovery Channel somehow) and I'm not ashamed to admit we watched it every day we were there. Why can't I be the guy who jumps into a cab and suddenly find myself on a mobile trivia game show? The South Beach scene lived up to expectations. The sand was fine, the water clear and tepid, and though there were a considerable number of college types there, it was still very enjoyable. It was without question the biggest beach I'd ever been on, and not surprisingly the most beachgoers I'd ever seen too. The lifeguards wore red swimsuits and were constantly shouting angrily at swimmers and jetskiers, making it seem like we were in a bad episode of Baywatch (did I just admit to watching that?). We even had a nice walk on the beach, stopping occasionally to let our bare feet disappear in the sand. Ah, can it get any more romantic? Well, probably, but it was still nice.  While down near South Beach we also windowshopped and walked along the famous Lincoln Road pedestrian mall, stopping to enjoy a bite to eat under a fan blowing mist on us, which was particularly nice due to the humidity. We strolled down Ocean Drive too, even visiting the modelling agency featured in MTV's "8th and Ocean" (it wasn't hard to remember the address...). On our last full day there, poolside at the resort was entirely too crowded, so we rented a 2-person cabana on the beach and spent the day there lounging, reading, napping, and taking dips in the Atalntic. Swimming in the ocean is something I haven't done in years, and I was soon reintroduced to that old familiar salt-water taste in my mouth. There was a reef not too far out and the waves were strong and really breaking. While emerging from the water the first time I went in, I unintentionally provided comic relief for anyone who could see as I was knocked over a couple of times by the tide, naturally trying to play it off like I intended to be suddenly sitting on my ass... All in all, you don't need me (or Will Smith) to tell you that Miami is kickass.....but I will anyway. We had a phenomenal time, and Miami is on our list of places to get back to someday, without a doubt. 
Have you ever noticed that when you're flying in a plane, no other planes are in sight, ever? I'm not talking about the air traffic you might see when coming in for a landing...I'm talking about up in the air, thousands of feet up. To and from this last trip I had a window (and because the plane was so small it was also an aisle) seat, and I swear I looked and looked and not one plane could be seen. Exactly how many planes are in the air at a time? Maybe it's part of an elaborate set of safety precautions in the name of national defense; lawd knows there's a bunch of new procedures in place already. This is the first time I've flown in a while, and getting through security included everyone removing their shoes, electronics, even the testing of my laptop to make sure it was a computer (I guess). These aren't really complaints...more like observations. I like the idea of going through those motions, especially if it means a safer plane trip.
They did let me go by without ever taking off my hat, though. Who knows what I could have had in there?
I blame the President. Time to remove him from office, as he is clearly not the man for the task at hand...letting people get on planes with hats and all. How irresponsible!
There are lots of things in this world of which I can somewhat confidantly say I have no fear. Cruising at 33,000 feet above the ground strapped into the human equivalent of a sardine can is not one of them. Smaller planes only make matters worse, and as you realize there are only 20-some odd people on the plane, you realize that if you do crash on some remote island, the chances of having a doctor or a survivalist or even a former hobbit present aren't as good as those on a certain ABC sitcom. The older I get, the more I am aware of the fact that there is no ground underneath...or rather that the ground is a long way down. As the old man says: Gravity will always win.
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