How to Win Friends and Influence People

I was reminded recently of one of my favorite books, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, a staple in any business school's required readings and a must-read for anyone who works with people. Its usefulness extends to anyone, however, and though nothing in the book is necessarily new information, it is presented in a way that comes across clearly and insightfully.

Some might say it's a compendium in basic human psychology, while others might see it as manipulation 101 (the inclusion of the word "Influence" in the title is certainly suggestive). I look at it much more innocently and take it for what it is: one man's advice on how to interact with others. Without a doubt, I recommend reading it, no matter who you are.

The book is broken down into four major sections, and in each one Carnegie presents ideas that seem old-hat, then hammers them home with tons of examples that firm up the real power behind them. At the end of each section he lists off those ideas in a summary he calls "In a Nutshell", meant for easy review. I've been meaning to list these off somewhere for a while now, just so I have somewhere a little more convenient than the book itself to look them over again. So, here are Dale Carnegie's "In a Nutshell" summaries as listed in his book:

---

Fundamental Techniques in
Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.